Burnout..............Lifeless and soulless rant from Zhe

I am now officially suffering from burnout.......all sorts of thing push me to the edge. I am feeling drained, frustrated, tired, lifeless, soulless........all sorts of words that can be used to describe a burnout...........

To start off this, I have presentation and JPA scholarship document hand-in(on wednesday) plus the Youth Alive: HIV/AIDS awareness campaign by AIESEC and I am one of the OC members. Tuesday is the decoration of stages for the opening ceremony at Queensbay Mall plus rehearsal. You know what we did? We stay until decorate the atrium until 4am in the morning on Wed!!!!!! The constant interference from certain individuals does not make the day any better as well. When i finally reached back to my room, i quickly switch on my laptop to do my presentation later in the morning. Right after that off i go to iron my long-sleeves shirts and slack for the opening ceremony. By the time i am done, its 6 something in the morning and i rush down to have my breakfast.......no sleep whatsoever.......

After that, a quick change into my freshly ironed shirts and slacks, i rush back into USM to the photostating shop under HS1 Library to print my presentation onto transparency. Then of I go to SK Lecture hall for HBT100 lecture. Throughout the lecture, i almost fell asleep(her lecture is somewhat hallucinatory) and i sat on the third row.....my lecture can see everything if i fell asleep........then later is the HBT104 tutorial class......i made my presentation as swift as i can be(and i don't think she is satisfied with that) and i have to end my presentation with:"I am sorry but i have to leave now" And of i go to the Dewan Kembara (Desasiswa Indah Kembara) to hand in my JPA doc.

There, my worst nightmare has arrived: I really need to matikan Setem Hasil at LHDN office at Georgetown!!!!!! My former roommate at Cahaya Gemilang did call me to come to Dewan Kembara earlier cos theres someone who has a car, but then i am busy with my lecture......so by that time i am in a serious pinch and despair. I am almost collapsed in sheer horror of this event but an unlikely hero arrived to my aid. Fadli, my coursemate in which i seldom talk to(who also got this scholarship), has a motorcycle and offered my a ride to Georgetown!! I am so grateful of him for being there! He even help me sorting through the forms and stuff cos i am so nervous that my hands trembling. After that, we came back safely and excruciating wait again.......

I was the last person to be sorted before the JPA officer went off to lunch and prayer at 2 in the evening. After all this finally i can go to Queensbay......but wait! There is no transport available by that time and i suppose all the OC are busy with the final preparation.After a few SMS to Nadia and ppl, I have to resort to bus service, with transit at Bukit Jambul. Rapid Penang on the first leg while the second leg with the ever infamous Milan bus(I think that bus driver is a foreign worker cos he don't understand Malay).

Reach there by 3:30 and they were on their last part of the event: SquareDance. I jumped into the squaredance with my bag still slinging at my shoulder. After those hoohah-ing and phototaking, we cleaned up the place. Damn, those chairs are heavy and we need to carry it to the loading bay!!!! We hang around Queensbay, dropping by Guess(Zahira wants a new purse), Borders(I FOUND YAOI WOOT!!!!!) and Beard Papa's Cream Puff(ohh those Cream Puff is heaven!!!!). Then all of us went to Miyako Izakaya Japanese restaurant to celebrate Monami's b'day. Cake throwing and celebration ensues but i just can't find myself in mood for all of this(Ok lar, i did enjoy very much the food!!!!) isn't in the best shape anymore........reach back by 12:30 and i am still dead tired for everything even until now. Heck i even overslept my alarm when it was me who want the meet and supposed to meet up with my WUS groupmate to pack those potpourri. By the time i am down, they already finish up everything.......Sorry Lydia, Avinesh, Ming Chee, Tze Sieng......

And now, here's my thought, musing and half rant.

I always find people (specifically guys) who change their personality to somewhat soapy and loveydovey whenever their person of interest or lover's or whatever within the scope of that definition around irks me a lot and revolting. Its fake in my eye. I've seen those kind of pretentious reaction in my coursemates(S & ST), friends around me(N & P) and even in my OC team(V & M) and it stills irks me a lot when i see it. (for the initials mentioned here, u know who u r even though u din visit my blog. So i don't want to see both of u at the same time within the same range of my vision!!!!!!!!)

Another thing that i can feel(maybe i am thinking too much) is that my impression in the OC team is insignificant. I was unneeded i suppose cos my contribution until now is still very insignificant. I can almost sense that from most of the people in the team and it bothers me.

I don't like to think negatively right now, but now at this moment, i am still on my way up(in vain) from the deep gorge of depression that i am having now.............

ps: Anyone who can read my post from the start to the end,i will really appreciate that person and that person are one step closer to understand my true emotion. A true understanding friend and a moment of peace and silent is what i really need right now. Thank you very much.

ps2: I double posted.....see hows my concentration and condition right now?