It has been quite a while I did any update and for anyone who feel *look at Zahirah and other people* that I should put up new and meaningful post, here it is. It is almost the end of the first half of my semester hence an updates about daily life+rant+reflection is almost a necessity. After all, with most of my pending assignment done, finally I can devote some quality time for myself to think and reflect...
1. Daily life? Assignment life+ various tidbits.
The past week has been a very hectic and busy life for me with a combination of assignments and responsibilities seriously hogging my mind down. My life had been...unsynchronized and almost out of usual order. I mean, midsem exams and completing 3 assignments within 4 days?! (OK, i believe most of you here gonna say that I am overreacting and blowing my stress out of proportion but who cares.) The biggest "contributors" of stress is definitely tugasan 1, analysis of translation methods (first assignment within my core subject). Slow and agonizing submission of the materials to lecturer (original material got rejected which I have to admit my own faults but caused me one hell of a hardtime finding another material to substitute it.), with multiple rejection of appointment (resulted in an extra long, emotional p.s. for my last appointment letter) + her PMS-ing.(and I still keep on looking for her to approve my material. Good goin, Zhe Rong. *sarcasm*) Addition of stress comes from tutorial assignment (Translating an articles about Przewalski horses...hmph) and LSP401 oral presentation (despite the fact that I do prepare a script, in the end I did not follow much of it and my presentation is lacking in content, despite trying to sound as confident as possible.) Finally it is peppered with midsem exam for both HBT105 (what it monsieur le comte anyway?) and CMM111(how to highlight a line using a mouse WTF. Have to explain it in writing somemore.) Now I still have a couple of pending assignment to go namely: Pemikiran Kritis: arranging ideas within a text into valid argument and find its fallacies, deadline 13 of Feb; LLJ200 Japanese: a survey of Malaysian students, composition that will contributes 10 marks of coursework marks, deadline ASAP and; Ulasan pembentangan HBT105 ; compiling your participation in discussion, deadline end of semester but ongoing effort. This midsem holiday will be so UN-holidays. *sigh*
But besides all those salts and pepper, there are some unusual things happening around campus (I will call this ingredient, hallucinatory mushroom) that is the rumors of Orang Minyak, the oily man. (short form OM) Orang minyak is a *supernatural* serial rapist that covered in slick, black oil to prevent himself from being caught (hence the minyak). According to *cough* wikipedia, orang minyak is a person practicing black magic and need to rape 21 virgin in order to upgrade his prowess. Some even said that he can make himself invisible and move through walls WTF. Some guess however are much more realistic: there are serial rapist lurking in USM but once the story pass as word of mouth, element of myth added to it hence blowing up the effect to supernatural proportion. Either way, I personally feel that this is just a ploy by someone to terrorize our students and dang, it even sounds like some badly conceived supernatural hentai anime. Ekun, had proposed a hypothesis regarding OM: some girls decided that they wanna go home earlier so they spread the OM rumors and hence got reason to go home. Still, many of our female student do believe the existence of OM and have since living in fear. Some decided to sleep in a larger group (one of my friends say she stays with six people now in her room WTF) while lots of other move out from their hostel. Others take basic precaution more seriously such as not going out late at night and/or walking in pairs or more. Now the OM rumors is in full strength and its not goin to subside soon...let just hope everything will be peaceful again after holidays...
Ahh almost forgot about this. I was among the nominee (nominee only, not confirmed) selected by my school to go for an student exchange in South Korea. It will be one full year sponsored student exchange. But there is a few serious catch for it. One major one of course I might need to extend for one full year of my studies in university and obviously I need approval from JPA to extend my academic year. Another major catch is I need to write 2 essays (1000 and 750 words, respectively) and I only got 1 day to it cos I receive the message from my school on Wednesday and deadline is today. (according to Lydia, who also got nominated as well). Oh well. *sigh*
And I applied to join PPMS (Pembimbing Pelajar Minggu Suaikenal). Hope can at least called for interview. *crosses fingers*
2. Involvement(or rather, UN-involvement) in B.U.D.A.Y.A. '08 project.
This is the thing that contribute headache AND heartache. My motivation and commitment towards this project is...dissipating. Its edging off slowly and somewhat painfully. It can be divided into two parts: internal factors and external factors. Half of my current predicament is my own problem, my personal fear, reluctance and inability to attempt to do something that I never do before. I mean, doing design using photoshop? Dunno. Calling up press and sending press release? I am scared to pick up and do phone call (yes you heard me, I don't really like to do phone calls and prefer sms or emails) and I never use a fax machine before. You see, I would only try things that I feel that I can do from the start. For example, my blood donation, I tried cos I WANNA do it and I have good feeling that I can do it. All those thing that I mentioned just now however, cause my stomach to churn in discomfort. To top off that, the later one is pending task and a great deal of publicity comes from there. Should I just throw the towel now? or I shouldn't do that? Guess me is still, me...
The other half however is purely external factors. I DO have a few major dissatisfaction towards the current organization of the project. First of all, most of the decision making is extremely centralized circling around the small circles of directors and the organizing commitee presidents or even OCP himself. (ohh, should I mention names to make things even clearer? hmm...see lor if I *ter-mention* some peoples name) All the other people will be the last to receive anything. To top it up is the rapid changing condition of the whole project. Obviously an effective communication is needed but its not working at all. I read about an interesting article about ants in National Geographic on how ants can organized themselves in extreme organization and precision. Its turns out their queen is not the leader in ant colony. (her job: lay eggs all the time) Each of the units(workers, soldiers and such) actually carries a little information about one whole event, for example the location of food and how many ants needed to carry the food in the fastest time. When all of them act together, they have one clear picture of what should they do and carries out their duties tirelessly and precisely. And of cos one ant, cannot do anything and appears dumb but with one whole colony of it, anything can be succeed. It is almost like the whole colony that is smart. Aiks I stray too much from main topic!!! Just to be frank every time my directors message me, I trembled in fear, in fear that there will be more job to be done. One other thing will be the lack of synergy within the Organizing committee. I barely know most of our OC well and I don't have much chance to meet them and talk and such. Too little group mamak session I think. Another thing is I don't exactly wanna be in publicity (even joining the OC is like that because it was done under coercion, bad word for encouragement) especially after my serious inability and reluctance. I seriously think publicity this time is the most under performing department with extensive changes of portfolio.
Other than all the reasons above, another reason for my dissatisfaction is towards the OCP himself. I admit that he is indeed a much daring person than me, but please get REAL. His initial proposal for B.U.D.A.Y.A. is a full scale CARNIVAL which only a private corporation can possibly done it. Luckily this project was downsized drastically in compliance with REALITY. But still he have his wild dream of overtaking the previous B.U.D.A.Y.A. as much as possible. He says all of us will be LEGEND and an examples for the SENIORS instead them as our example. To tell the truth, its one big ass cliche and I almost buy for it. Urrgh. Another thing that I wanna mention that he has an extremely large ego. He think he himself is extremely important, he can rule everything in his life now, every one regardless of who must follow his demand and his defiance to listen to advice is extremely visible. I still remember how our exchange between our finance director(mind you, Vice Pres of Admin of AIESEC USM and involved in previous B.U.D.A.Y.A) have advised him that the marketing trip is enough already and we should concentrate on selling the tickets. His answer, in an extremely demanding tone: CAN WE JUST TAKE IT AS AN ADVICE??? I seriously think it will turn sour if not our project director moderated and issues an ultimatum. And he claim he is open for any advice. Oh well. But the one last reason that I am gonna mention now is totally the last straw. In his cliche laced motivation, he mentioned that he actually lost his scholarship in college but he doesn't care since he willingly devote himself to all of these. This however come to me in an extremely negative examples that we should sacrifice anything for a temporary stuff. This totally go the otherway on what Gillyn (LCP 2 term before the current one) said to us that we should never neglect our academics for an organization. I myself under JPA cannot tolerate any, ANY chances of failing which will result in revoking of scholarship and a huge heap of repayment as punishment. When he says that, I was scared and disgusted at the same time. Now it isn't worth it anymore.
When ShuLi mentioned that I am quite free compared to her, I do kinda terperasan and shameful of my own inability. But once I compared with the external factors, it isn't important anymore cos the main picture itself is largely flawed anyway. I do enjoy myself indulging in different culture and learning how to be tolerant towards diversity. But now in my point of view, that and my lingering conscience are the only things that left in me. Once my conscience is gone, then I too.
OK, my confession here sound extremely bias and irresponsible. I know I might hurts lots of peoples feeling and disappoint others. (sorry Ching-mama, sorry Rubini. sorry to everyone who is nice to me throughout all of this) I know this one will be a potential flame bait hence *donning flame proof suit* feel free to leave any comment about this and *filling up methane gas tank for flamethrower* I READY TO FLAME ANYONE WHO DARES TO FLAME ME. *rant end*
3. Looking ahead.
Seeing how important it is to set up a priority (SzeYan said I am an idiot not to set up a clear one), I had planned in my mind my major priority throughout the next half of semester and hopefully throughout my whole academic years. It is namely(in descending order):
- Making myself happy and feel good. (means doing anything that I am feel good at and happy about it.)
- Maintaining my stand in academics, hopefully another dean's list even though its quite slim now and my lecturers have not so good image about me already.
- Others thing that might come in...its my power to put anything I WANTED here.
Now I will be on board a flight to KL in less than 12 hours and then reach home sweet home later 7pm in the evening. I am soooooooo looking forward for going back to Kuching, reuniting with my family for CNY and hangin out with old fren in new joints. Most important of all however, looking forward for another happy, meaningful half of semester. All Hail tHe Spring!!!!!! All hail AngPau!!!!!
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