Misfortune Never Comes Singly.

Talking about being bamboozled from the start to the end. There no other expression that can describe my situation more aptly that blog title right now. Anyone who followed my blog actively will know about THE NEWS that comes into my mailbox first thing in the month of August. We're in the very last week of August...and THIS comes into my mailbox.

Oh oh it's here it's here! *ドキドキワクワク* Clicked on the MyBrain15 website to check and login to my account...

Only to see this: Harap maaf, permohonan anda tidak dapat dipertimbangkan kerana bidang pengajian bukan bidang keutamaan.

Immediate and only reaction:

INCREDIBLE indeed. #sarcasm

"Harap maaf, permohonan anda tidak dapat dipertimbangkan kerana bidang pengajian bukan bidang keutamaan"

*rant start AGAIN*

This response from Mybrain15 is even WORSE than how JPA handled my rejection last time. This is basically saying: "Sorry, you're NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH to be considered for anything. You DO NOT WORTH IT." This response epitomizes exactly whatever that's WRONG with the society today swayed by CAPITALISTIC MARKET FORCES keen to exploit whatever that makes money especially science and technology and business while shunning the rest that doesn't guarantees tangible return of investment in terms of numbers and stocks and patents while us the Humanities, the Fine Arts and the SocSciences bearing the worst brunt despite the fact that whatever we are learning, school of thoughts and philosophy is the one that form the very cornerstone of human thinking, the fuel for society to move forward the development of civilization as a whole. Our knowledge is equally valid compared to Science and Technology. Unfortunately for countless time, we're have been relegated to fringe of knowledge regarded only to be practiced by flakes and loonies and hippies. In the blind pursuit of materialistic gain, we sold our souls and thought to the meat-grinder called MARKET FORCES. Congratulation for discouraging research in philosophy. Let's us all speak in Newspeak with numbers and $ peppered here and there.

If this paragraph is tl;dr or too nonsensical to you: FUCK Science and Technology and Business and Accounting and Law. FUCK capitalistic market forces. FUCK all scholarship out there (for now, Mybrain15.). Last but not least, FUCK REALITY. FUCK ME.

*Rant ends*

In the end, what other choice do I have left now that both JPA and Mybrain15 rejected me? The first thing of course is to reapply Mybrain15 again because it's allowed though it will be another three more months of waiting again and there's a high probability of being rejected again now that they rejected me once because I am not important. Looks like I will need to seriously consider applying for USM Fellowship and Graduate Assistant Scheme as much as I shudder at the thought of handling tutorials or marking undergrads assignment or doing whatever menial job supervisor instructs me to. *sigh*

This whole financial scholarship saga has left me shaken. I felt even more worthless and insignificant as much as I want to feel that whatever I am doing right now will be worthwhile. It certainly doesn't help when one is not financially sound hence had to be dependent on financial aid from parent. I didn't even had the courage to call my mom and resorted to SMS instead to bank in my next semester fees. This is ridiculous.

Epilogue: I am rock bottom yet? Anyway, back to planning survey form before the semester reopens. Lazing and holidaying for too long now (Feel diffident because I've said this countless time.) Postgraduate motivation FAIL.