Yet another session of escaping reality.
Tucked between all my crumpled notes of HBT103 and foolscape papers is a form.
Borang Penangguhan Projek.
The form was already filled in with all the details needed. The reason to delay the project and such.
The only thing that I need to do right now is to go up to the Student's Affair office, find the officer-in-charge, pass the form to him and thats it. All problem solved.
And yet, I am still here.
Escaping reality in library.
And its already 5pm. Office hours just ended.
What am I doing?
What am I trying to hide away from?
Why am I scared?
Why am I not acting like myself?
Insecure. Depression. Fatigue. Disillusioned. Disenchantment.
Now, I am having headache due to so much of negative thinking. *or maybe due to dehydration because we can't bring any drink into the library*
Now, I just want to care about my own wellbeing.
Now, I want to concentrate on things that I am comfortable of.
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I wonder when was my last time that I actually tried to do something different, felt strongly about getting it and work hard for it on my own accord/decision/ways...
Being in BATI is one of them.
Joining PPMS is one of them.
Most of the other time however, is either being coerced by other people/swayed by words like: "Why don't you just try?"
...or being forced into it.
Most of the time, I just don't bothered to try anymore.
Motivation indeed played a great part in making people do something.
Motivation will make you go a long way just to do something, even if it is trivial in other people's eye.
But if you don't have the motivation, you won't even want to lift a finger.
Just like me now.
Hail procrastination.
Being in BATI is one of them.
Joining PPMS is one of them.
Most of the other time however, is either being coerced by other people/swayed by words like: "Why don't you just try?"
...or being forced into it.
Most of the time, I just don't bothered to try anymore.
Motivation indeed played a great part in making people do something.
Motivation will make you go a long way just to do something, even if it is trivial in other people's eye.
But if you don't have the motivation, you won't even want to lift a finger.
Just like me now.
Hail procrastination.
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Looking on how did my personal self actually shrivelled in times of great challenge, I think I am developing into a sociophobe soon enough. Its just that I prefer constancy/stability in my life, that's all? and failure represents discrepancies in stability!
*Dug a hole and Dilly-dallied to dilly-dally land*
*Dug a hole and Dilly-dallied to dilly-dally land*
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