Exasperation.

My president called me in the morning.

He asked me to see officer-in-charge of our society to delay the project first.

...which followed by another message asking to delay it first instead of canceling it straight.

*ohh GREAT*

Just when I already set my mind in canceling the project,

...someone has to mention it again.

I am now shrouded in by inexplicable fear...

Unnerving phobia...

...of responsibility.

The very same phobia when I was involved in any previous project in AIESEC last (academic) year...

The very same phobia whenever my driver's license is involved...

The fear of uncertainties.

The fear of uninformed.

Even the slightest mention of responsibility will send my mind in haywire.

I am frustrated.

I am tired.

I had enough.

I am disoriented.

I am on the verge of madness.

What am I doing?

What will happen to me?

What should I do?

Where is myself?

I want my escape.

I want my own time and space, out of touch from the cruelty of reality...

I just want to go back to where I can feel comfortable of myself...

If there isn't any way out...

Then someone please just shot me in the head...

...and free me from my seemingly recurring torment.

I hope my sanity can hang on longer...

I hope I can still...HOPE.

FUCK REALITY.

FUCK RESPONSIBILITY.

---------------------------------------------

One very important element is driving a person ahead is definitely Motivation. And obviously today, my desire to go online as well as getting a lil of assignment done turns into some kind of motivation and here I goes, bracing the torrential rain just to find a proper internet connection...

View from the pedestrian bridge. Noticed the rain?

Unfortunately though, my original plan of going to library early in the morning had to be delayed by making a detour to Indah Kembara while waiting the rain to stop. As infamous as it can be, USMHotspot over there sucks...even though the antenna/router is right in front of me. Then around noon, the rain finally subside to acceptable level and I proceed to my destination: library...but real event only start after I had my lunch. Because I am just plain depressed (due to the things that I mentioned above), I binge myself with unhealthy and expensive fast food, this time McDonald.

...and I wonder how many hundred dollars that I surrendered to the American hegemony of consumerisme just to find a slight comfort in eating in effort overcoming my imminent depression...

McValue Meal Quarter Pounder, with large softdrink and fries.

The sticking cheese on the wrapping is the indicator that the burger had been left around for quite a while in which the cheese cold down and stuck to the wrapping...but I still eat it anyway...

*edited to put more pics*

Passing through the desolated ConvEx Ground during while going over to BaliBali for dinner...silence after much fanfare and celebration, everything falls back to normal...

Going back to Tekun late at night after library is closed. Passing through the desolated DK Foyer...

After tiring walk for about 20 minutes, reached back to my dearly hostel. Taken at the main gate of RST hostel complex.

All the way up to heaven: the (in)famous uphill road of RST. Luckily Tekun is only halfway of it.

*in the end little progress on all assignment...this is kinda depressing after one whole day in library...*

ZheRong is still hating how his life going on right now...

Epilogue: Maybe that particular download of yaoi manga that keep on broken due to CRAP USMHOTSPOT is one of the reason why I AM ANAL NOW. FUCK USMHOTSPOT too.